HighLight a Twilight Parody
by Kikyo Sparrow
Summary: When Smella Yawn moves to the small town of Porks she meets the strange yet super hot Deadward Mullet. It is for humor purposes only so don't take it personally.
1. Intro

HIGH-LIGHT PROLOGUE: INTRO AND NOTES

Note: Yes, I am an anti-twilighter. I think the plot is nonexistant. The characters shallow and irritating. And the author posessing the mental age of a preteen. THIS IS MY OPINION, IN THIS COUNTRY WE HAVE THIS REALLY COOL THING CALLED FREEDOM OF SPEECH and so if you decide you want to flame me because of my views then I will simply ignore you and write it anyway. Okay? (Besides, this story is meant for humor purposes only so just keep your shorts on Twilighters and have fun with it! :)

This anti-fiction is dedicated to my buds at

darthtrombone, scila, writerserenyty, sweetdecadence, dragonhat, skartoargento, Daydreamy-Stupor, strangegirl1316, neoeevee, surfingpichu, cloxity, Daelinn, childofthemoor, Queen of Masquerade, redcinderella, studenslatinus, eyebags, vamptramp, tallblondasian, microlm, awesomestuff, treed1981, superpen, cocobean, eggspastas, bronnen, Roadkill, sunakina, saira, Euphoriacide, arwenblack, teenwriter, mochi, singerinwhite, senshisailormoon, vanhelsingfreak, spidermatt, dita, pelucheux, tmnt00, jmorgan, watercat8, shatteredmirror, strigoaica, adoctoraday, scammer, harlequinade, fusedbyflames, Bijjy, facetious, vizuete, bugsy211, rykivich, exactoblade, dorsithion, isadorafsy92, fanti, arcticflame7, lizzelkins, Disdainful Soul, ceata88, literaturelover14, ladeda01, bloodyredbaron, applesxandxblood, theizzykitty, radical_shradical, dustbunny, librarygal, Sid Chastity, delzzad, Panlah, PuzzleChick, llsn, disneyprincess, minerva, kmahn, surfsidepup, vanadium, AgentKaz, dazzlilicious, scootchmuffin, sindrome, uniffles, rawrrrzilla, drstrangelove, EBD, shaam28, brighteyesfan29, rabidballetfreak, dodge, cynicalpirate, somnus, marcusnine, cedward, Starry, infinityhype, DCB, theretanator, eroxc, Leporidae, gkeko, astrine, citizenunknown, Nebu, elsadesica, luthien, greenjeans, rhapsody, jdclown, desdemonavoltaire, Blonde Guardian, digiphantom, pointeiscool, Gothic Lolita, casamyr, trillian, ghostie, otherside, Iceeh, gaia, raveimp, Hunter S. Thompson, anithene, nikkigable, moondream6, sandtrap, mehek2, tionalgrl, konata, He sparkles? WTF!!!, pippiperson, Fleur de la Nuit, toofunktodruck, misstwister, jambalaya, sporksaredangerous, edsucksbella2, wolfjackle, litome, Danielle Gryffindor, jedioftruth, Sabine, teamswitz, ladyluxe, sok, laianna, sparklesue, lycanious, Strife, Xoras, deathwithsparkles, Flammie, blueflynn, luna123, ridge, fionola, estora, sherlockholmes, kaiya33, Maia, pumpkin, Jess, neoshadow, valkyrie, The Superior, Trory, crissy, sarzie, rawrr, Kinoko Kunimitsu, Eos, lori, Spunk Ransom, raze, annausagi, elvenqueen, fireguardian, pancakeproxy, Remora, SofiBleuphyre, panda, ravenblood, bobloblaw, Zeffie, Ellie is Me, dimitrithedeviant, kasumann, drae, purple, marloosha, momotastic, lilpinksparklez, orangutan, oscarwilde, endtwilight, tenthxbananas, skyewriter, cayenne, sunday, panicroxmysox, angeldark, pawswithclaws, Actaea, acientwolf90, hazeltwilight, bellamuerte606, gummibears, yesitdoes, bittens, bobsternoone, toodamnfunky, Penelope, Marie, seance, crackmentos, fordesquirrel, synoran, aikaterini, 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englishgirl, Shinku, Chaos, chichili, meganekko, shark, meredith1018, lj90, blurblue, powerprincess, sushii, Zatanna, lunarflowermaiden, starlitmornings, phrostyvacation, Hamlet, strawberry, stealthmuffin, LittleCodfish, skscarecrow, juniper, chemosavvy, r_a_black, sarabeth120, missbehave, lex, Mandi, nightwish, neggles, cinnamonribbon, missmarionette, metretacet, UnbelievableAnimal, lerouxerik, regret, thadeusbuttons, unnamedextra, vampirekites, roixlazuli, thornewood9, witchcraft97, makaundomiel, kat, darksider, bookworm5694, dizzywit, Crow the Reaper, anation18, narutard13, sporkforks2, jujubee, Stebia, vivalatroll, hikari715, elchihuahua, sharingan, alex007, quertillia, yuki, Alkja, ivaru, n3l0_x_sparda_twins, phelpsphan, Kat-Tastic!, Bampot, mystery09, shlesha, kristen, Danii, windydays, argentum, speckles, Angelness, chevalier, Girl In Question, angelicum, feliegirl, chrono, kbslvr, teafearie, fishgirl, beckwithalexis, Renisca, surpz, thewazar, darthiec, shaolina, lulzgrl, vggirl, kukulkan, Monophobia, MagicNein, Stars of Ice, austierra, retard, gunnersleepy, thesaiyanwarrior, goldenfilly, Mariam, mooneson, ladylore, Sharra, lemmiwinks62, chaoticneutral, the13thlemure, generalhamilton, ceinwyn, kidcrest, annaselka, alphacarrotine, interrobang, torikoma, loveeternally, tari, emogrlsluvdavps, yarrum, victoriangirl4, 91sophie91, sdbrocks, rachelrhino, cuddlebuns, pinklemonade, DeceranPlane, pinksocks, Applestar, ryan, ohbabiix17, Mandolin, laceparasol, tickingbomb, therarelogic, Naleth, ceddiebear, sailortenchi, Autumn, saywhut008, versusthesiren, tbdoll, fizzylizzyliftndrink, syngreen, zasha, iluvorlando, Asphodel, scurvy, sui, juliaspiese, meredith, HighFlyer, singularly, kendobunny, proudintellectual, Near, jappo, hitomi, Avangelis, bullocki, fihoo, zombiesessh, pip, contaminated, blindrabbit, onyxworrystone, lightinash, tsubasa, dazedandconfused90, lilybug22, grimlyfiendish, rappu, esmecullen, Zaxoth Arturos, auntypsycho, azrel, Perfect Dark, laurenbethc, .Panda, crazyanimefan, confuzzled01, mthldcrn, HoneyJones, thiaf, wizbey, godzilla, luckiness, horseluver2435, sumire, lumiere, elanorea, annaki1c3, blueeyeskitten, lolitahaze95, Sophie, lizzy1692, heyyb1tchhh, silentempathyx, trex1117, rainz0rz, teflongrl, IndigoHobbit, blooferlady, aquenze, PottyforPotter, noirae, maureenjade, Malfoy_Is_Better, iakar, mindaink, parallax, lorelei, marianne, The Little Empress, stormchaser, yvette, amysacrifice, hongdl, funwithaspatula, Disneygotpierced, chezeex3, yulia, cliquecastle, morgey, marauder, salsan, necromancerlord517, sad321321, smuffymuffin, yuva, seeinthedark, fairygarland, shinychick112, leto, comatosemuffin, liquidbuzz, twilightlulz, myswriter, Serendipity, freakzeek, huaka, smallsversion2, kaykoe, daidaiiro, mistydew, luna, crayone, maverikdemon, danishmafia, Lovegood's Court, freefallforall, uruclef, nephilim, The Wannabe Asian, veriun, mwm, jinkies, freebie, tracypants, gingerjiang, kimiko624, 4eversleeping, az, billbrasky, goatfarmer123, red08, tesla225, theamazingjulio, Popsicle, freebee, WooLoo!, rifurious, LemursInSiberia, edcullen, ack1991, obrunigirl, Junkyard Buddha, sweetness, dontdecieveme, destructin, yoohoee24, lizzy, divingislife, strangerdanger, proserpine, maomei, burnov, missteatime, levina, clyde, Redd Dayspring, kitsune, applesandoranges, Echodyne Harmonic, smut, blacklight, episkey, hadrian, punnygosling, writerscorned, krazywolfy, rosesiege, chapstiks18, terriblypleased, silhouettesinlace, smoregishwash, erinmg11, neonpaperclip, pinkskull, Hugwhore, enchantment, tara, Styx, ashieyu, oubliette, birdy, umbrella, chaminade, lestat924, madea, beurb, ihatetwilightsomuc, Z-Wolf the Great, brander, randomee, evansmommy, fallfromgrace, kairivoosh, madison, rikkan, timolas, niel15, antennea, drownedrat, mimzyslashedit, angelcake777heaven, morgainedulac, caladium, corday, TDizzle, Sister Grimm, altruisticoak, devilsx0x0xchild, micah, mashedpotatojohnso, twilightroxmysox, emmamoon, heather349, allhaillarry, itchinhi, gillianmc, furubafan3, telescopeannie, freakishbbq, zomgtwilightsux, Duck, blkeydfu8er, chibiattackohnoes, trogdorkilla, nowhereman, sakurai, drmadwoman, bbqtaco, serafita, conundrum, hellaloser, citharia, foxymardy, xsprayx, hottbaguettesftw, rika, ninjaumbreon, lillian0015, sockpuppetz, becket, camarotuner, roihu, deviousmouse, siriuslysirius11, nemy, harrypotternerd777, iscaria, akari, diehardchick7, suresure, savagedamsel10, edenmiranda, JoJoContemplates, wildatheart CHARACTERS:

SMELLA YAWN: The main character of our wonderful tale. Picture Stephenie Meyer and imagine her as being seventeen but having no personality and you've got Smella! She is very materialistic, whiny, and loves her boyfriend Deadward. She also attracts the entire male population of Porks despite the fact that she shuns them all for being ugly.

DEADWARD MULLET: The love interest of dear Smella. He loves to stalk Smella and smell her used tissues, he is also the hottest man in the entire universe. Yes that's right, hotter than any of the other hot people in the world combined! He has the Shampire ability to read minds, except for Smella because due to her strange specialness she is able to survive without a brain.

MALICE MULLET: The materialistic younger foster sister of Deadward. She is known as the token anorexic midget of Porks. Whenever she moves she dances. She has the Shampire ability to see the future even though things always turn out differently than she sees them.

CASPER SNAIL: The silent yet deadly secretly-gay husband of Malice. He is the only member of the Mullet family (besides Posalie) to realize how whiny and stupid Smella is, and so he makes it his life goal to break Smella and Deadward apart.

POSALIE SNAIL: The female equivilent of Deadward. She has the Shampire ability to instantly give males an erection due to her hotness. She hates Smella because even though Smella is just as stupid and shallow as she is people love her anyway.

FARTLISE MULLET: The only shampire in the Mullet and Snail family that actually helps people, rather then sitting in a highschool for all eternity. He has the shampire ability to be...Super caring or something lame like though he is super pale and hot like all shampires no-one in the town of Porks is able to realize his full weirdness.

BLESSME SNAIL: A background character who is married to Fartlisle and has the Shampire ability to be a super-housewife. She is Stephenie Meyer's idea of a perfect woman, even going so far as to jump off a cliff when she cannot have a baby as an average human.

BLEMMISH MULLET: The stupid and muscular Shampire husband of Posalie. He is barely in the story because it is told from Smella's point of view and she only focuses on Deadward.

PEDOWOLF SMACK: The young friend of Smella who is a Killet indian and is secretly a Shamwolf. He is in love with Smella due to the fact that her super-specialness attracts all of the male characters of Porks.

FLAMES, FLICKTORIA, & BORENT: Three real vampires that are actually badass and kill humans, they are considered enemies in this story because they do not like Smella. (If you don't like Smella you are automatically labled a villain in this story.)

KARLY YAWN: Smella's father who is secretly dating Willy Smack (Pedowolf's father) and claims that he is out 'fishing.' He hates Smella and also hates her mother Monee due to the fact that they are both whiny, materialistic, and obsessed with men. He is the main police officer of Porks and his best friend is his mustache.

THE HUMANS: Students at Porks High School that are all instantly attracted to Smella for no reason, although she shuns them instantly for being ugly and distracting her from focusing on Deadward's hotness.

SETTING: Porks, Washington. A small town famous for its pork. According to Google it is the 34th rainiest town in the U.S.

TERMS: Shampire: Stephenie Meyer's version of a vampire. They are sparkly, super hot, and are only able to be killed by other Shampires.

Shamwolf: Stephenie Meyer's version of a werewolf. They were created in Meyer's world when she took her three children to see the horror film Underworld. They do not appear until Shoe Racoon (The sequel to High-Light)

SO, I WILL BEGIN THIS COMEDY FICTION SOON! (INSERT CLICHE INVITATION HERE)


	2. Chapter 1

HIGH-LIGHT a TWILIGHT PARODY

CHAPTER ONE: WHINING ABOUT SMELLA'S LIFE

(In Arizona)

Smella: Oh, I can't believe my bimbo mother is marrying a successful baseball player. I have to go to Porks to live with my dad because there won't be anything to complain about if my stepfather is rich!

Monee: Oh my darling and amzing and super-wonderful daughter, why do you want to leave me to fend for myself and go to Porks!?

Smella: *Sighs* Oh foolish Monee-I mean mother, I have a false sence of modesty and just want you and your new boytoy to be happy and sexually active in peace.

Monee: Well, you have been taking care of me your entire life because I'm an idiot. Maybe you deserve to live in that rainy little hell with your loser dad.

Smella: Sure why not.

(In Porks)

Karly: Dang I can't believe I have to sit around with this whiny little bitch for the next year and a half, how will Willy Smack and I be able to get together without Smella knowing? I wish she would just go complain on her livejournal like other kids her age do. But Stephenie Meyer wants to make her seem more adult so I guess she could be my housekeeper- Well hello Smella your plane has finally arrived!

Smella: *Sigh* Hello Karly, let's cut the small talk and go to your crappy little house that you are barely able to afford you are boring me with your kindness.

Karly: *mumbles* Little bitch...

Smella: What was that?

Karly: Nothing my super awesome and amazing child!

Smella: Gah! I can't believe I have to live with Karly for an entire year and a half! I was so slender and ivory-skinned that I didn't fit in in Arizona, I will try to avoid all of the normal nice people in this new town so that they will not comment on how average-looking I am!

Karly: Well, I have a surprise for you before we head home.

Smella: Is it a sexy Shampire boyfriend?

Karly: Oh no, silly Smella. It's a red truck that I was barely able to afford on my small police-officer salary!

Smella: It shall comfort me in my misery. It's not very good but hopefully none of the other students at the crappy little highschool here will notice my averageness in this hideous abomination.

Karly: Uh... You're welcome?

Smella: Oh I am so average-looking!

Karly: But Smella, you're a beautiful and amazing Mary-sue. Everyone loves you for no apparent reason!

Smella: Shut up Karly I am trying to whine about my nonexistent problems!

Karly: It's true, you really don't have any problems.

(At Karly's house)

Smella: Do you have to suck at everything Karly!? My room is so small and it still has the crib in it from when I was a mere infant!

Karly: Well excuse me for being a typical middle-aged parent and not knowing what my hip teenaged daughter wants her room to look like! I know how to make it up to you, how about I take you out to Port Angeles tomorrow and buy you whatever furniture you want?

Smella: Leave me to sob in peace you baffoon!

Karly: Sure whatever bitch.

Smella: What?

Karly: I'm going to go sodomize Willy... I mean... Go fishing. See you later!

Smella: Oh pet cactus, why is my life so much more terrible than anyone else's?

Pet Cactus:...

Smella: You are right pet cactus, I must endure this with my false modesty and my averageness and my ivory pale skin!

Pet Cactus: ... Bitch.

(At Porks High School)

Everyone at School: Look! It is the amazing and beautiful Smella Yawn, let's all go be nice to her!

Smella: Leave me alone, your averageness burns my chocolate brown eyes!

Jessica: Hi, I'm Jessica you must be the super-amazing Smella!

Smella: I can tell that you are a materialistic whore just by listening to you talk.

Jessica: Oh you are sooo wonderful!

Eric: Hey Smella, I love you will you please give me the time of day?

Smella: Ick you have pimples and seem like an overly friendly chess nerd. But I shall give you the honor of accompanying me to my first class.

Eric: Oh thank you my goddess!

Mike: Wow Smella I love you too, will you go on a date with me?

Smella: No you fool I am average-looking and yet I want to date an amazingly sexy Shampire!

Jessica: I don't understand, earlier you were saying that you wished you had friends at school because you were so lonely in Arizona. But now you hate everyone and you want us to leave you alone because we're not good enough for you?

Eric: You're a bitch Smella, but I still loooooooooove you!

Smella: Oh why me? My life is worse than the Holocaust! Woe is me!

(At lunch)

*Enter the Mullet and Snail family*

Smella: *Gasp* Who are those amazingly sexy and beautiful people!?

Jessica: Those are the Mullets, that is Posalie and Blemmish. They supposedly have house-shattering sex every night and Posalie is the most beautiful woman on Earth.

Posalie: Hey! I'm the most beautiful in the galaxy!

Jessica: My mistake, most beautiful in the Earth AND galaxy. I wish I could be you!

Smella: Oh my average appearence pains me at this moment.

Jessica: Oh, and that's Malice and Casper Mullet. They are a couple but Stephenie Meyer made them have absolutely no chemistry, it's a well-known fact around the school that he's gay.

*Enter Deadward Mullet*

Smella: Oh dear lord, who is that amazing bronze haired Adonis?

Jessica: I know, he sure is hot isn't he?

Smella: Stop judging people on their appearences Jessica!

Jessica: But you just said...

Smella: His beauty is enough to stop the whole world on its turning axis, oh stay still my fragile beating heart! His lovely golden eyes are enough to make squirrels rape him on sight- Hey where did everybody at my lunch table go?

Eric: I'm still here my wonderful dove!

Smella: Go away you average-looking nerd!

*In Biology*

MR. BANNER: Okay everyone, let's all say hello to our new student Smella Yawn. She is the most beautiful and amazing girl in the whole state so everyone fall in love with her immediately!

Smella: Oh I am so sick of everyone being nice to me! Leave me alone to eye-rape Deadward!

Mr. Banner: Wow, what an odd and unexpected coincidence! You are apparently sitting next to Deadward, Smella.

Smella: Such a strange turn of events that is not at all unrealistic!

Deadward: Ugh... What is that awful smell? It smells like a diaper full of indian food!

Smella: What movie have I heard that from?

Deadward: Oh God that horrid smell is you!

Smella: What are you talking about my lovely messenger of loveliness? I just use strawberry-scented shampoo.

Stephenie Meyer: Wow, so do I!

Deadward: Mr. Banner, I must leave before I kill all of you due to the fact that the smell of diapers full of indian food makes me want to drink your blood.

Mr. Banner: Don't forget your hall pass.

*At the office*

Smella: I can't believe my wonderful bronze-eyed manly heartthrob looked at me with contempt!

Deadward: No! She followed me... I must use my other Shampire power that makes middle-aged women want to have sex with me, despite the fact that I am supposedly a minor...

Office Lady: *Swoon* Oh Deadward, of course you can switch classes. I don't understand why you would want to though because Smella Yawn is the prettiest, smartest, most amazing girl in this whole world!

Stephenie Meyer: Yes I- Uhh...SHE is!

Smella: Wow, I just noticed that my wonderful statuesque Adonis Brad Pitt has pitch black eyes! Look at how observant I am readers!

Deadward: *Hisssssssssss* I can't work with this!

*Runs out of room*

Office Lady: Call me Deadward!

*CHAPTER 2 COMING SOON* 


	3. Chapter 2

High-Light a Twilight Parody

Chapter 2: Let's Focus On Deadward, the Guy Smella Just Met But is Already Obsessed With

*At Smella's House*

Smella: I can't believe the nerve of that amazingly handsome super sexy boy Deadward, but most of all I cannot believe he didn't immediately fall in love with me like everyone else at that miserable run-down school!

Karly: Well Smella I'm back from having sex with W- I mean… Back from fishing!

Smella: I just finished cleaning the whole house Karly because Stephenie has made my only two hobbies cleaning and reading old classical novels!

Stephenie Meyer: What a cooinkidink, those just so happen to be my only two hobbies as well!

Karly: Oh thank you so much for cooking my dinner Smella.

Smella: Leave me alone Karly, I just saw the sexiest guy in the whole world and I want to be left alone to mope about how he glared at me in the school office today.

Pet Cactus:…. Bitch.

Karly: Smella, did your pet cactus just call you a bitch?

Smella: Well if it did then it is now a villain in this book series. Because anyone in this series who doesn't like me is automatically frowned upon or labeled a villain.

Pet Cactus: Oh Smella I luuuuuuuuurves you!

Smella: That's better.

***The Next Day at School***

Jessica: Hey Smella, I saved you a seat at the lunch table!

Smella: Your kindness irritates me foolish mortal.

Mike and Eric: Oh Smella we love you will you please go out with us? You can even cheat on us, we won't care as long as your wonderfulness is in our lives!

Smella: Go away I'm trying to look at Deadward Mullet… Wait, where is he?

Jessica: Well apparently he went hiking with his parents this weekend.

Smella: HOW WILL I LIVE WITHOUT HIM HERE TO EYE-RAPE!?

Mike: You could always eye-rape me oh glorious one!

***In biology***

Smella: *sob* I can't believe Deadward doesn't like me, I love him even though I just saw him. Why won't he love me even though I'm a Mary-Sue and I whine all the time and I have no hobbies?

Mr. Banner: Today we are going to see our blood types.

Mike: Why are we doing that?

Mr. Banner: Because Stephenie Meyer wants us to see how special her self-insert Smella is by showing us that Smella can smell one drop of blood from across a room. And even though Smella is deathly afraid of blood she still drinks it with no fear in Breaking Dawn.

Eric: But why would she do that Mr. Banner? That doesn't make any sense.

Mr. Banner: Because this is the world of Stephenie Meyer, logic does not exist here.

Stephenie Meyer: Damn straight!

Twilight Fan: I can't believe this fanfiction author just said that! Master Meyer has perfect logic! Jacob imprints on Renesmee even though she can't reproduce because Meyer said that she is a mule-like hybrid. And even though Carlisle is a doctor he still has Bella drink blood out of a cup instead of putting it in her through an IV. It makes perfect sense!

Twilight Fan's Biology Teacher: Well look at this, you failed your test on reproduction Twilight Fan!

Twilight Fan: *sniffle* I don't care what the outside world thinks, I still have Edward Cullen to have wet dreams about!

Edward Cullen: I'm a fictional character!

Twilight Fan: I'm going to go have sex with this book and pretend that it's bruising my body and breaking my headboard like what Edward did to Bella in the fourth book!

***Back in the Biology Lab***

Smella: Oh I can smell that drop of blood from across the room! In my womanly weakness I am going to faint!

Mike: Fear not my love, I shall save you!

Everyone in the Class: Oh no dear Smella are you alright?

Smella: I wish that sexy shampire was here instead of you people even though all he's done is glare at me while you guys have been nice to me and made me feel welcome!

Mr. Banner: You can go to the office you precious special snowflake! I love you tooooooo!

*in the hallway*

Smella: Oh I am feeling so weak and drowsy from seeing that needle and that drop of blood!

Deadward: Never fear Smella I was just at your house sniffing your used tampons when my Smella Senses started tingling and I rushed to the school to save you!

Mike: But I was just taking my love to the office.

Deadward: Get out of the way and let me carry my little turtledove to the office!

Smella: Oh Deadward I am having orgasms just being in your presence!

Twilight Fan: Oh so am I!

Twilight Fan's Mom: I am too! I wish your father was like Deadward Mullet! I want to get a divorce and marry this book now!

Twilight Fan's Dad: Curse you Deadward Muuullllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeetttt!

Deadward: Huzzah! We are now at the office!

Smella: I think it's a bit odd that you have pale skin and extreme beauty and super-strength. And now your eyes are topaz instead of black! Isn't it weird that I am the only one to notice these things while I have only been going to this school for a few days? Shouldn't someone else have noticed these things while living near you for the past few years?

Twilight Fan: It makes perfect sense!

Deadward: Well they are all foolish insignificant people Smella, while you are special and wonderful for no reason!

Office Lady: Oh Deadward I knew you would come back for me!

*CHAPTER 3 COMING SOON*

NOTE: I did not include the Twilight Fan to personally offend any real Twilight fans out there. Some of my friends are Twilighters and they don't act like this. I only included this to poke fun at some of the crazier, more obsessed Twilight fangirls out there and used this interpretation for humor purposes only. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

HIGHLIGHT A TWILIGHT PARODY CHAPTER 3: SMELLA IS SAVED FROM TYLER'S MEANIE VAN BY HER ADONIS, DEADWARD. YES I REALIZE THIS IS A VERY LONG CHAPTER HEADING, DEAL WITH IT CHILDREN!

*PREVIOUSLY, IN HIGHLIGHT*

SMELLA: Bitch moan bitch bitch moan!

DEADWARD: I'm really hot.

Smella: Moan bitch moan?

Deadward: Ew I can't stand smelling you in our biology class all day, I'm switching classes!

Smella: Biiiiiiiiiitch moaaaaaaaaaaan mooooooooooaaaan!

*AND NOW, CHAPTER 3*

Smella: I can't believe Deadward switched classes because of me, how could he do such a thing when I love him and want to marry him!?

Karlie: Oh Smella, just because Deadward is the sexiest thing since buttered bread doesn't mean that you have to automatically love him. I mean he was a jerk to you, shouldn't you be hating him instead of obsessing about what you did wrong and how beautiful he is?

Smella: Karlie you just don't understand teenaged girls!

Karlie: Well if you're the future of America I should just go kill myself right now.

Smella: What did you say? I was just thinking about Deadward and I didn't hear you.

Karlie: Nothing oh great and wonderful Steph- I mean Smella!

Smella: Okay Karlie, I'm just going to go and cook dinner because everyone knows it's the only thing women are good for. And in about one year I'm going to go and get pregnant with Deadward's hellspawn because babies are the only other thing we're good for!

Karlie: *Mumbles* Why oh why did your mother have to try to abort you with a coat hanger?...

Smella: Just go fishing and leave me alone! I'm going to listen to Linkin Park and Muse because their lyrics are more emotional than this entire book series!

Karlie: Alright, I'll leave you to have wet dreams about this boy you just met and I'll go have sex with Willy.

Smella: *STARE*

Karlie: Um... I mean GO FISHING! *Runs out door*

Pet Cactus: You are a terrible role model Smella!

Smella: I can't stand you speaking the truth anymore Pet Cactus *Cocks gun* It's time to put you down.

Pet Cactus: NOOOOOOOO!

*Gunshot*

*The next day*

Smella: I can't believe Deadward still isn't at school! He's been gone for days now, every moment I don't see his wonderful, amazing, hot, super, face is a moment that I feel great chagrin!

CHAGRIN WORD COUNT: 1

Jessica: Smella, can you please stop thinking about Deadward? I mean you just saw him and already you think about nothing else besides him, isn't that a little... unhealthy?

Smella: No, YOU are unhealthy! You want to go to the school dance with Mike, and you said Deadward was cute!

Jessica: Yes I did, but I still hang out with my other friends and focus on other things besides the guy I have a crush on.

Smella: It doesn't matter, the Twilight fangirls will still love me reguardless of how bitchy and stupid I am.

Jessica: Sadly, I think you're right.

Mike: Well of course, my beloved Smella is always right!

Eric: Smella will you please look at me instead of staring at the Mullets' lunch table?

Smella: No way Eric, now leave me alone you guys. Your shallow teenage values are distracting me from fantisizing about the guy I just met.

Mike: Whatever you say my future wife!

*The Next day*

Smella: *sniffle* He didn't even show up for biology today, how am I going to live without him?

Tyler: Jeez I really hate that Smella Yawn, why does everyone worship her when she's such a bitch to them?

Tyler's Van: We should kill her Tyler, KILL HER! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Tyler: Yes! It's perfect! We'll even make it look like an accident, it is really icy out right now. No one will suspect us!

Smella: OMG I see Deadward across the parking lot, I can't believe he really came back for me!

Deadward: Oh shit is Smella checking out my ass again?

Casper: *NOD*

Blemish: Well you DO have the most perfect ass in the universe Deadward, sometimes I even like to check you out.

*Awkward silence among the Mullet kids*

Posalie: That's it, no sex for a week Blemish.

Blemish: But Posalie I think that maybe I might be... Gay...

Malice: But Blemish, you know homosexuality is forbidden in the world of Stephenie Meyer, I mean stalking, emotional abuse, and sexual grooming/ pedophilia are fine but certainly not homosexuality!

Blemish: I am so sorry please forgive me oh great Stephenie Meyer!

Stephenie Meyer: *Eats 10 big macs*

Smella: AAAHHH! Tyler's van is coming towards me and there is absolutely no time for me to get away on my own! Oh won't a sexy, strong man please save weak, human, me?

Deadward: Oh no! Smella smells like the new Arby's BLT sandwich! That is my sandwich foolish vehicle!

*Deadward stops van with face*

Mike: Wow, I totally didn't see Deadward Mullet just stop that car with his face!

Eric: And I totally didn't hear any noise when his face stopped that car!

Everyone in the school: OH NO SMELLA! OUR PERFECT GODDESS COULD BE HURT! *All of them dial 911*

Smella: Oh Deadward your sexiness is making me faint!

Deadward: Must... not... eat... sandwich!

Tyler's Van: CURSES! I shall destroy that annoying Mary Sue if it's the last thing I do!

*At hospital*

Smella: Go away Karlie, I'm fine and I want to see my wonderful Deadward!

Karlie: I wish that car had hit you...

Fartlisle: Why hello Smella, I am the perfect and pale foster father of Deadward!

Karlie: That's not suspicious at all!

Smella: I notice how weird it is because I am a Mary-Sue!

Fartlisle: Well Smella, just so we have everything clear... Deadward totally didn't save you from that van okay?

Smella: Yes he did.

Fartlisle: NO he didn't.

Smella: YES, he did.

Fartlisle: NO he didn't.

Smella: Yes he did.

Fartlisle: NO he didn't.

Smella: YES, he did.

Fartlisle: NO he didn't.

Deadward: I shall use my dazzle powers to clear everyone from the room!

*Dazzle Dazzle Dazzle*

Karlie: I am so Dazzled! I will leave you two alone, come on Fartlisle.

Fartlisle: I don't get what Deadward sees in that little bitch.

Karlie: Neither do I, let's go get some fish!

Deadward: Smella, you can't tell anyone that I obviously saved you from that van. Why they didn't figure it out themselves is beyond me though...

Smella: But, I love you and I want to know everything about you my dazzling jockstrap of hotness!

Deadward: In time my dear Sandwich, in time...

Everyone in Forks: Oh Smella we came to see if you were all right, we love you!

Office Lady: NOt me, I came to see why you're with another woman! *Sob*

COMING SOON: CHAPTER 4: EVERY GUY IN SCHOOL ASKS MARY-SUE SMELLA TO THE PROM


End file.
